Black Belt Seduction is an online course designed to help average guys get better at:

• talking to women
• meeting new girls
• building confidence
• attracting females
• reading a woman’s body language
• becoming a more charismatic, enjoyable person

If these sound like areas of interest to you, or maybe you’re  just slightly curious, you can get some free info+tips by signing up for the free newsletter at blackbeltseduction.com/home.html

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Courtesy of Mr. M.(one of the other Black Belt Seduction instructors).

Literally walking up to or otherwise getting close to a girl or group of girls and beginning a conversation with them can be extremely daunting and even scary for a guy–even if he’s usually confident and self-assured.

Approaching a girl or group in this way is simply known as ‘opening’ and it is one of the biggest fears and obstacles guys have trouble with when it comes to dealing with the opposite sex with the goal of attracting them in mind.

It’s not hard to see why.

Approaching and opening involves quite a large investment of effort on your part and seems, at first glance, to come with a fair amount of risk associated with it.

Let’s first look at the reasons men have trouble confidently approaching and opening. Then we’ll look at how you can bypass your approach anxiety and thereby open successfully whenever and wherever you choose to do so.

The mains reasons men fear the approach are:

• They’re scared of immediately getting shot down, rejected and made a fool of by the girl they start a conversation with  They think that the girl will immediately think that they’re trying to pick them up and seduce them and will therefore be extremely unenthusiastic about the idea of having anything like a normal, fun conversation with them
• Because of their insecurities, guys worry that a few minutes into the conversation with a girl, they’ll lose their initial feeling of confidence and slowly begin to unravel and lose it
• Men know that a successful pick-up involves more than just approaching and opening and therefore look ahead to the other stages of seduction and worry about them. They think how hard the
• conversation will be to maintain, for example, and how tricky it will be to close at the end of the chat and get a good result from it, like the girl’s phone number or a date with her
• They ponder over what guys who are already in the vicinity of the girl they’re interested in will think when they approach and get talking to her. ‘Will they see that I’m trying to pick-up the girl and try to thwart my attempt?’

There are other reasons guys fear the approach, but the remaining ones I haven’t listed fall into similar categories to the ones you’ve just read. They mainly relate to fears of being laughed at by the girl or otherwise rejected.

The first thing you need to do to conquer any fear of approaching you may have, is read, contemplate and truly understand and believe the following two concepts:

1. It’s vitally important that you forget about the goal of attracting women when you’re out on a daily basis. When you make the mistake of mainly thinking about the end goal in this way, you overload your brain with a mass of obstacles, problems and difficulties. Put simply, you cast your attention too far into the future and by doing so make things seem harder and more impossible than they really ever should be.

Instead, you should always concentrate on the sub-stages of attraction – the smaller steps and not the larger ones further down the line. So when you’re approaching women, DO NOT actively think about how you’re going to finally get her number or what you’re going to talk about in an hour’s time. Let your interactions with women take on an organic, free-flowing nature.

2. “How am I supposed to not think about the actual conversation, when it’s going to follow only moments after my opener? And how am I supposed to keep my mind off the problem of closing, when that’s the only thing that’s going to make my interactions with women truly successful?” The answer is: have faith in yourself. If you’re able to have a fun, lively conversation with one of your male friends, then you can do the same with an attractive woman. You just need to be laid back and unconcerned with what the outcome of your conversation will be.

Once you’ve completely taken on board the two concepts above, read over the following quick rules of thumb. Remembering and trusting in them will really help you approach and start talking to women confidently and  effectively:

The realistic worst-case scenario of an approach will never, ever be as bad as you might imagine. If a girl simply doesn’t seem to want to talk to you, that’s fine. You’re free to simply move on and talk to someone else. Her loss. Stay friendly and sociable and it will be the girls who don’t want to talk to you who will come off badly and seem frosty and unfriendly.

When you approach, only have the following at the forefront of your mind: I’m going to start and maintain a fun and interesting conversation with this girl. By thinking along these lines, you take out all of the sleaze of the interaction and the girls you talk to will sense this and like it.

Women have no problem talking to guys they don’t know if those guys are friendly, confident and interesting. You ARE all three of these things, so don’t worry about girls not wanting to chat to you because they’re uninterested in the idea of getting to know you.

Girls, the vast majority of the time, don’t do the approaching.

They don’t make the first move.

This is the case because they don’t need to – they know men will do it. This is one aspect of social life between the sexes in which women have the lion’s share of the power over men.

But don’t let that be a negative thing. Instead, remember this fact: because women leave the approaching and opening to men, when it happens in a positive and attractive way, they EMBRACE and enjoy it. Women dig it when guys approach them and bowl them over with their charisma, charm, confidence and humor. You’ve only got to watch a couple of chick flicks to see evidence of this fact.

Get more great info like this from Black Belt Seduction by Matthew William Sharpe

The 14th in our 20 Methods You can Use to Attract Women series.

Comfort has been mentioned a few times so far, so before going into how to build it, let’s define exactly what it is.

Comfort should come after attraction. Comfort is a feeling of trust and relaxedness between you and a girl. It is a bond that has been created through extended conversation and it can only be achieved gradually—you can’t build comfort in the first 2 minutes of your conversation with a woman.
So, why do you want to build comfort with a woman? Sexual attraction is often not enough to make a girl feel that kissing you, or doing more, is something she immediately wants to do. It’s too risky because she doesn’t truly know what kind of person you are. She knows she finds you attractive, but you’re still somewhat of a mystery to her. She therefore needs to know that you really are a good guy, with good intentions, who she can trust and get along with. For her to feel all of this, there needs to be comfort between you and her. Here is how to build comfort:

• At first, you will probably talk to your target as part of a group. You will therefore not be able to (nor should you want to) only talk to her. You will have a general conversation, in which you will demonstrate your high social value, your social intelligence, you sense of humor, etc.
• After the conversation has been going for about 5 minutes, the girl should have become somewhat attracted to you, or at least attracted to the idea of talking to you in more depth, to find out more about you.
• At this point you need to partially isolate your target. You need to move into a position where privately than before. The other you can stand or sit next to your target and talk to her a bit more members of the group can talk amongst themselves (having a friend of yours nearby to help this happen is a good idea).
• During your one-on-one conversation with your target, you can step up the banter and teasing a little bit. Once you notice a few strong signs that she is attracted to you (refer to the section of this crash course which deals with how you can tell if a woman is attracted to you), you can think about increasing the amount of tactility that’s going on.
• Slowly build the attraction further. Bring one of her friends into your conversation, or one of yours. You can switch to talking to someone else entirely, then return to your target. Just generally work your social magic.
• Once you’re ready, you can isolate your target a little more. Move away from the group a bit bypossibly going to a seating area or the bar with her. Now you can start a longer, more personal conversation with her. Drop the flirting just a little bit so that she can see you’re genuinely interested in her (which you should be!). Talk about topics that you couldn’t talk about when you first met her, because they would have been too hard-going and deep, like her hopes and her past. Tell her details about your life which you wouldn’t share with random people, but don’t pour your heart out to her for ages.
• Start engaging in extended tactility, like placing and keeping your hand on her knee for a minute or so. She should be initiating tactility too by this point.
• By now you should be able to kiss each other. Use what you learned in the last answer to make this go smoothly.
• Return to the group—comfort has now been established and can continue to be increased over the next hour or so, or however much longer you have left together.

That was pretty much a description of the perfect process of attraction and comfort building. Your interactions will always vary form this model, because that’s the nature of real life. Sometimes the girl will go and dance and leave you in the group, sometimes she’ll give you mixed signals—but whatever happens, make sure you focus on building comfort after attraction in roughly the same way as what was described above.

Check out the free Black Belt Seduction Crash Course by Matthew William Sharpe