How to Build Comfort with a Woman You Just Met

How do I build comfort?

The 14th in our 20 Methods You can Use to Attract Women series.

Comfort has been mentioned a few times so far, so before going into how to build it, let’s define exactly what it is.

Comfort should come after attraction. Comfort is a feeling of trust and relaxedness between you and a girl. It is a bond that has been created through extended conversation and it can only be achieved gradually—you can’t build comfort in the first 2 minutes of your conversation with a woman.
So, why do you want to build comfort with a woman? Sexual attraction is often not enough to make a girl feel that kissing you, or doing more, is something she immediately wants to do. It’s too risky because she doesn’t truly know what kind of person you are. She knows she finds you attractive, but you’re still somewhat of a mystery to her. She therefore needs to know that you really are a good guy, with good intentions, who she can trust and get along with. For her to feel all of this, there needs to be comfort between you and her. Here is how to build comfort:

• At first, you will probably talk to your target as part of a group. You will therefore not be able to (nor should you want to) only talk to her. You will have a general conversation, in which you will demonstrate your high social value, your social intelligence, you sense of humor, etc.
• After the conversation has been going for about 5 minutes, the girl should have become somewhat attracted to you, or at least attracted to the idea of talking to you in more depth, to find out more about you.
• At this point you need to partially isolate your target. You need to move into a position where privately than before. The other you can stand or sit next to your target and talk to her a bit more members of the group can talk amongst themselves (having a friend of yours nearby to help this happen is a good idea).
• During your one-on-one conversation with your target, you can step up the banter and teasing a little bit. Once you notice a few strong signs that she is attracted to you (refer to the section of this crash course which deals with how you can tell if a woman is attracted to you), you can think about increasing the amount of tactility that’s going on.
• Slowly build the attraction further. Bring one of her friends into your conversation, or one of yours. You can switch to talking to someone else entirely, then return to your target. Just generally work your social magic.
• Once you’re ready, you can isolate your target a little more. Move away from the group a bit bypossibly going to a seating area or the bar with her. Now you can start a longer, more personal conversation with her. Drop the flirting just a little bit so that she can see you’re genuinely interested in her (which you should be!). Talk about topics that you couldn’t talk about when you first met her, because they would have been too hard-going and deep, like her hopes and her past. Tell her details about your life which you wouldn’t share with random people, but don’t pour your heart out to her for ages.
• Start engaging in extended tactility, like placing and keeping your hand on her knee for a minute or so. She should be initiating tactility too by this point.
• By now you should be able to kiss each other. Use what you learned in the last answer to make this go smoothly.
• Return to the group—comfort has now been established and can continue to be increased over the next hour or so, or however much longer you have left together.

That was pretty much a description of the perfect process of attraction and comfort building. Your interactions will always vary form this model, because that’s the nature of real life. Sometimes the girl will go and dance and leave you in the group, sometimes she’ll give you mixed signals—but whatever happens, make sure you focus on building comfort after attraction in roughly the same way as what was described above.

Check out the free Black Belt Seduction Crash Course by Matthew William Sharpe

Send article as PDF to