I was talking with Lance (Sensei) the other day about common mistakes guys make when they meet a girl after the initial pickup, so I thought I would put together this list. You do not want to make these mistakes.
After all, you spent a ton of money on your clothes. You practiced your rap. You had countless conversations that went nowhere. You missed out on sleep while out at the bars. And it was all worth it, because you got a date with an exciting woman. Make it count!
In no particular order, here are some of the most common mistakes guys make on the day-2.
Missing Opportunities For Social Proof
If you go on numerous dates, you’ll get to know the staff at your favorite watering hole. Use it to your advantage! It demonstrates status to the girl when the staff greet you and you chat with them.
On one recent lunch date at one of my favorite nearby cafes, my date’s order was screwed up. I called the waitress over by name and asked her to fix it; while I would have done this anyway, my relationship with the waitress made the episode much easier, and I looked like a king to my date. I was the master of the environment, had everything handled, and she felt protected and safe.
Not Having An Isolation Premise
Before you meet the girl, find an innocent reason for her to follow you into the seduction environment. It could be to play her some music, to show her some art, or to show her your new fish. Anything unusual in your apartment that you want to show her can work.
I write songs as a hobby, and this works great for me. I mention a song idea I’m thinking about during the date. I’ll ask her if she’s ever experienced the feelings associated with the song idea. Later I’ll grab her hand and drag her out of the cafe saying, “Come on, I’m gonna play you my song.”
Not Touching Her At The Very Beginning
If you did a good job during the pickup, you touched the girl a fair bit. Don’t start over, and don’t set yourself up for landing in the friend zone. As soon as you see her next, give her a hug and perhaps even kiss her on the cheek. Then, keep touching her frequently during the conversation. If you forget, you’ll find yourself in an awkward situation. Halfway through the date – or even at the end – a sudden hug or kiss will stand out. It will seem creepy and needy to her, and her defenses will go up.
I had a date a few weeks ago with a girl I hadn’t seen in quite some time (our schedules just didn’t work). When I finally did see her, I didn’t feel like the iron was hot anymore, and I made the basic mistake of not touching her enough. The chemistry never got off the ground.
Not Escalating Quickly Enough
Most guys are very nervous when they meet a girl for a date. Because they’re worried about screwing up, they don’t pay attention to the signals the girl is sending. Even when she’s really into him, he’ll miss it, and she’ll feel rejected.
At the end of one recent date, the girl asked if I wanted a ride home. Her offer demonstrated a high interest level and gave me an opportunity to advance. However, I was so excited by the opening she created to bust on her, I missed the vulnerability she was feeling at that moment. When I playfully rejected her offer, I hurt her feelings. Had I realized how far along I was, I would have put my arm around her waist instead. Who knows what might have happened when we got to my place?
Doing Something That Costs Money
If you spend money, she’ll tend to put up her defenses. If she spends money, it’s worse: you’ll both feel very awkward as you try to fight nature. Besides, there are so many things you can do that are fun and cost next to nothing.
I’ll never forget the time I let a hot girl take me for dinner and a movie. I thought she was showing so much interest that I was in like Flynn and couldn’t possibly mess things up. However, no matter how playful I was, the vibe kept sinking. By the end of the evening, neither of us was particularly interested in sex.
Not Having A Consistent Plan You Use On Every Day-2
If you go to a different cafe for each date, you’ll never get friendly with the staff. If you tell different stories each date, you’ll never get good at telling them. On the other hand, if you keep everything the same, then after a few dates, you’ll know exactly where you’re dropping the ball. You’ll be able to diagnose the problem and fix it.
We were covering this topic in a recent Art of Rapport workshop when a student said, “I don’t really know what I do, I just go with the flow, you know, and sometimes it’s great and other times, well…” That’s what happens when you don’t follow a consistent plan – you leave your dates to chance.
Lots of guys have a routine stack they use during pickup because it gets them consistent results and helps them learn faster. Do the same thing for your day-2s, and you’ll accelerate your progress dramatically.
Not Running A Little Bit Of Attraction At The Start Of The Date
It’s essential to remind her why she came to meet you in the first place – you’re a sexy guy, and that means confident, funny, and socially aware. Make a joke about how her being early shows how much she wants you or do a little playful cold reading.
Encouraging Her To Bring A Chaperon
Sometimes guys will invite a girl and her friends to a group outing, hoping to reduce flakiness by addressing any fear the woman might have.
However, the cost is you’ll probably end up just being friends with her. Make it clear when you invite her on the date that you are meeting one-on- one to get to know each other better. If she doesn’t agree, you probably made a mistake upstream.
Meeting Her In Too Interesting Of An Environment
This is one of the worst problems with taking a girl to a movie – you’re watching the movie instead of getting to know each other. Go to a place where the energy is relatively low and the two of you won’t be distracted.
For example, one great ladies’ man I know likes to take girls to a bar near his place that attracts a much older, subdued crowd. No one hits on his date. She’s not looking around at other hot girls trying to figure out the pecking order. He has her undivided attention, and when she has a great time, he gets all the credit.
Don’t ever say, “OK,” to a request she makes. Have a plan and a role for her in the plan and instruct her each step of the way. If she resists, bust on her playfully and stick to your plan.
For example, when my date arrives at the cafe, I always tell her to give me a hug. I’ll let her sit down, but then I’ll stand up and say, “Give me a hug.” [She always does.] When we sit back down, I’ll hand her the drink list and say, “Have a look at the menu.” It may seem trivial, but to her, it’s definitely not.
This does not mean you can’t adjust your plans to accelerate things if you read her signals right; just don’t allow her to run things overtly.
Planning Long Dates
Many guys hope to get laid on the first date; since they know from experience that this can take a number of hours, they plan a whole bunch of stuff for the first date.
This creates pressure similar to spending money on the girl. If you plan a short date and the girl is giving you the right signals, you can always adjust the plan.
Besides, several short dates will get her to bed in less actual invested time than one long date because it will feel much longer to her, and she won’t have to explain to her friends that she slept with you on the first date.
For example, I recently met a girl who suggested we go to a street fair for our first date. Although the street fair would have been fun, and her suggestion showed a high interest level, several problems would have resulted from me accepting her invitation:
a) Credit for the fun we had would be attributed to the festival rather than me.
b) The date is expected to be Short dates imply you have a lot going on, and dates that are planned short but end up going long imply you guys really like each other.
c) The frame is more traditional,and that will slow the seduction.
d) It’s her Remember, I’m the man, and I’m supposed to lead. e) It’s much harder to venue change from a street fair to my house than it is to venue change from a nearby cafe to my house.
f) I won’t be able to practice my day-2 routine in a controlled environment.
I hope this list is helpful to people. Let me know what you think – I would love to hear from you.